Jan 1, 2011 Forgiveness.............

January 1, 2011

My friend fixed black-eyed peas and rice today, so I had the traditional southern New Year’s day meal, intended for good luck, health, and prosperity all year long. So far, so good. I’m healthy (got some GOOD sleep at her house), lucky, and wealthy beyond measure to have such friends as I have. Through my friends I have learned the most about forgiveness. They never cease to amaze me; I have been forgiven by friends over the past few years, welcomed back into the fold, no questions asked, with open arms, hearts, and homes. It is staggering to me sometimes, and always makes me cry with gratitude and awe.

This particular friend I have known since 1980 (we confirmed it last night, going over chronological events with a mutual friend), and last saw around 16 years ago, when I visited her and her now husband when they were living in Oakland (same town, different house). They showed me a great time; took me to see the seals that had taken over some docks on the bay, and drove me up to the Redwood Forest, which was, at least, overwhelming. Wow. That is a sight and feeling to behold!!! My memories of that visit are all positive, and most of my issues and conversations about money over the years have kept me from coming back sooner. That and some hurt feelings I had from a number of years back. So I hadn’t really been in touch. And as is the case a lot of times, the longer you stay out of touch with someone, the easier it is to continue being out of touch.

This week, when I ended up in “the Bay area” with my nephew, I’d planned to, upon arrival here, connect with my friends who live 3 hours north of SFO and head up there for a few days, then come back down and see a couple of people from my past (seems I have a lot of those!) in the area before heading back to NM. Well, after all the driving (2 days, 20+ hours), unpacking in the rain, eating poorly for a few days, and feeling super fatigued, the thought of being on the road again for several more hours in the cold and gloom just didn’t sound appealing at all. I cancelled my plans to head north, got a hotel room for a night and day, regrouped, cried, slept, caught up on some overdue phone calls, walked, watched some funny shows, and decided what to do next. Not knowing how this trip would look, since I decided to go at the eleventh hour, I hadn’t called anyone in advance to say I was coming. So Thursday morning, feeling more grounded and ready to face the world again, I took a chance and called Ana, who lives in Oakland. What is so wild about this whole thing is that, after not having talked with her in a number of years, I’d called her just a week before, a couple of days before Christmas, to reconnect and tell her I’d missed her. During my meditation retreat the weekend before, she came into my mind and heart, and I realized what a treasure she was and how nuts it was for me to let that go because of some ego problem I’d had years before. So I called her. And it was like we had only spoken weeks before; picked right back up, and it was so nice to hear her vital and loving self again. She told me, again, that she was still in Oakland, and the offer still stood that if I was ever out that way, call and come stay with them. How funny life is. Timing is everything. Little did either of us know that in a week, I would call her to take her up on the offer!!!

Luckily, she was home and available for company; picked me up that afternoon, took me to their house, and set me up in the spare room. Her dog and cat were welcoming, her gentle and calm husband was, too, her home was warm with Christmas decorations and smells, and the bed I got to sleep in was super comfortable!! We just talked and ate, walked the dog and ran some errands, and I felt like I was with family. It was a wonderful day and a half. We recounted days past, tried to put events into chronological order, and remembered different stories involving ourselves and mutual friends. A lot had happened over the years we were out of touch, and I felt both sad and guilty that I had missed important milestones in her life by doing so. Some things we can never get back, and sometimes apologies just fall short. Choices that we make always feel necessary and logical, however infused they are with ego and emotion at the time. The good news is that new choices can always be made. I am really grateful that my friend Ana has chosen to forgive me, to love me as I am now, and to let go as “water under the bridge” the choices I’d made years ago that kept us apart. I leave her presence feeling lighter and more hopeful, loved and able to forgive myself and others more readily. Amen. A great start to a new year. The benefits of the black-eyed peas are instant!