Letter to a friend........

I have some great email 'pen pals' that write some super stuff.  J is one of them.  She and I are big fans of each others' writings.  She often encourages me to write more, write a book, etc.  Most recently, after a letter to her last week.  So I'll share it here..........as sort of an update of life, as well.  Blessings!  M

oh, J. thank you for this note!  I had been thinking of you last week, and wow! that I hadn't been in touch in a long time!  I swear, most days, I don't really feel like I'm living on the same planet Earth that I used to....time and situations just move and morph so fast, that I just wake up each day, say some prayers, breathe in and out 3 times to my heart, think of 3 things that I want and feel how that would feel, praise God for my lungs, legs, home, and health, and just wait to see what the day holds.  It is just a trip.  No 2 days are remotely the same, I am able to move through pain and disillusionment more quickly than before, I am facing fears on a regular basis, and my reward for everything is getting to walk over to the ocean (gulf!) and just BE for a while!

 

Work is so fun, when it is available.  I love, love, love, the place I work and my co-workers; I feel really at home where I am, and for the most part, have plenty to keep me busy.  I do miss, though, a good friend to go hang out with.  But M. says that will take time.  My cat is my sweetie now; just got her a cat door today, so she can come and go more easily.  Until now, she had to either stay in or out for hours, depending on my schedule.  As she is nocturnal, she is always wanting out between 11p - 5a.  Not my best hours for hanging out outside!!!!  :)

 

Winter here is mild, though we have had some good cold stuff, in the 30's..........2 days later, tho, it's back in the 60's, like Tucson.  There is a lot of gloomy weather, though, which is weird.  I'm so used to sunshine!!!  AND I like the sun!  :)  One good thing is that I'm getting used to, and not afraid of, driving in the rain.  One more thing, fear, I have overcome since being here.  I'll tell you, I am learning so much about myself here.  It really is like I'm in another world!  And it's nice being far from my family.  I like not being part of their drama anymore.  I still love them and am in touch with them (when they choose to be in touch with me is more like it...........), but get to be where I am more me.  You know??

 

I am MUCH better than I have been since I arrived.  Two things happened that have helped. ONe, I just let go my worry about money.  It was making me SO old looking, and was ruining my joy in life!  When I made a list of everything that was good in my life, there were like 400 things.  When I made a list of what wasn't so great, there was one thing.  Money.  So I decided to just surrender, and THAT was huge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And interestingly, my money has gotten better!!  Isn't that funny?  The other thing is that I started taking SamE, something M. and another friend had told me about a while back for their own use and reasons.  It's meant for joint flexibility, which I could use to keep my hands and arms flexible for massage, but another use is for depression.  And I'll tell you, I think it has really helped me stay away from the mood slumps that I was experiencing since I got here (and maybe before I moved!!!)  I am SO grateful because being bummed out is just hard for me to move away from or out of on my own. 

 

So thank you for all of your prayers.  I KNOW that my life is blessed and healed through others' prayers.  And I know that you pray for me, J.  You are so dear, so devoted, and so full of love and caring.  Don't think I don't notice or appreciate that my life is better because of your love for me and your prayer.  And please know that I send prayers your way, as well, for all of your family, for love, safety, comfort, and more.  You all are such great and cool people!  I feel really blessed to know you.  And REALLY grateful for you writing!!!!  Thank you!!!!!!!!!!

 

Yesterday was a gloomy, rainy day, and I got to spend a LONg time on the computer; got all my emails cleared out, updated and read,  and now can keep ahead of correspondence, I hope, more regularly.  That stuff can get so out of hand!!!  As I also do all of my bill paying and banking online, there's a lot to keep up with!  I actually really love technology, and am doing my best to use it welll.  Just got an MP3 player, which I love!  Don't know how to use it to its fullest yet, but, like everything else, am taking it a step at a time.

 

OK, dear, best go.  I love you and all of your family and love of your family.  Glad you had a good holiday and that you are all together.  Know that L. is in my prayers.  God works miracles all the time.  And timing is everything!  C. has a light in him that is only under a bushel basket right now, searching for its way out.  He IS the light, right?  So he shall find a way to let it shine, to be the light that he is.  As shall we all. 

AMEN!  :)

 

Love galore to you, my Divine friend here on Earth!!! xoxo Maria

letter to a friend....

I have some great email 'pen pals' that write some great stuff!  One, JA, writes these powerful letters that just make me cry, they are so rich.  We are big fans of each others' writing; after I ask her permission, I'll post one of her letters.  In the meantime, I will post one that I'd written to her, prior to her response that I should write a book!  Yep, a dream that I and so many others have......
Since she liked it so much, I will share it here, and hope you do, too!  xoxo Maria

oh, JoAnn, thank you for this note!  I had been thinking of you last week, and wow! that I hadn't been in touch in a long time!  I swear, most days, I don't really feel like I'm living on the same planet Earth that I used to....time and situations just move and morph so fast, that I just wake up each day, say some prayers, breathe in and out 3 times to my heart, think of 3 things that I want and feel how that would feel, praise God for my lungs, legs, home, and health, and just wait to see what the day holds.  It is just a trip.  No 2 days are remotely the same, I am able to move through pain and disillusionment more quickly than before, I am facing fears on a regular basis, and my reward for everything is getting to walk over to the ocean (gulf!) and just BE for a while!

 

Work is so fun, when it is available.  I love, love, love, the place I work and my co-workers; I feel really at home where I am, and for the most part, have plenty to keep me busy.  I do miss, though, a good friend to go hang out with.  But Mel says that will take time.  My cat is my sweetie now; just got her a cat door today, so she can come and go more easily.  Until now, she had to either stay in or out for hours, depending on my schedule.  As she is nocturnal, she is always wanting out between 11p - 5a.  Not my best hours for hanging out outside!!!!  :)

 

Winter here is mild, though we have had some good cold stuff, in the 30's..........2 days later, tho, it's back in the 60's, like Tucson.  There is a lot of gloomy weather, though, which is weird.  I'm so used to sunshine!!!  AND I like the sun!  :)  One good thing is that I'm getting used to, and not afraid of, driving in the rain.  One more thing, fear, I have overcome since being here.  I'll tell you, I am learning so much about myself here.  It really is like I'm in another world!  And it's nice being far from my family.  I like not being part of their drama anymore.  I still love them and am in touch with them (when they choose to be in touch with me is more like it...........), but get to be where I am more me.  You know??

 

I am MUCH better than I have been since I arrived.  Two things happened that have helped. One, I just let go my worry about money.  It was making me SO old looking, and was ruining my joy in life!  When I made a list of everything that was good in my life, there were like 400 things.  When I made a list of what wasn't so great, there was one thing.  Money.  So I decided to just surrender, and THAT was huge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And interestingly, my money has gotten better!!  Isn't that funny?  The other thing is that I started taking SamE, something Mel and anothte r friend had told me about a while back for their won use and reasons.  It's meant for joint flexibility, which I could use to keep my hands and arms flexible for massage, but another use is for depression.  And I'll tell you, I think it has really helped me stay away from the mood slumps that I was experiencing since I got here (and maybe before I moved!!!)  I am SO grateful because being bummed out is just hard for me to move away from or out of on my own. 

 

So thank you for all of your prayers.  I KNOW that my life is blessed and healed through others' prayers.  And I know that you pray for me, Jo Ann.  You are so dear, so devoted, and so full of love and caring.  Don't think I don't notice or appreciate that my life is better because of your love for me and your prayer.  And please know that I send prayers your way, as well, for all of your family, for love, safety, comfort, and more.  You all are such great and cool people!  I feel really blessed to know you.  And REALLY grateful for you writing!!!!  Thank you!!!!!!!!!!

 

Yesterday was a gloomy, rainy day, and I got to spend a LONg time on the computer; got all my emails cleared out, updated and read,  and now can keep ahead of correspondence, I hope, more regularly.  That stuff can get so out of hand!!!  As I also do all of my bill paying and banking online, there's a lot to keep up with!  I actually really love technology, and am doing my best to use it welll.  Just got an MP3 player, which I love!  Don't know how to use it to its fullest yet, but, like everything else, am taking it a step at a time.

 

OK, dear, best go.  I love you and all of your family and love of your family.  Glad you had a good holiday and that you are all together.  Know that Leese is in my prayers.  God works miracles all the time.  And timing is everything!  Chris has a light in him that is only under a bushel basket right now, searching for its way out.  He IS the light, right?  So he shall find a way to let it shine, to be the light that he is.  As shall we all. 

AMEN!  :)

 

Love galore to you, my Divine friend here on Earth!!! xoxo Maria

Over overwhelm!

January 7, 2011

It is really easy for me to get overwhelmed. I don’t “do” Christmas, I avoid malls, dance clubs make me reel, and festivals, classes, and parties with too many people and activity make me want to take a nap. At parties and gatherings, I spend a lot of time in the bathroom. It’s quiet and solitary. I also eat a lot, out of nervousness, I suppose. Overwhelm for me results in shut down, and loss of energy. I’ve known this for a long time, but only in the last few years have I really acknowledged it and admitted to myself that there are just some things that I cannot do and still function at the level of energy that I want to. This has been both discouraging and freeing. I don’t have to spend two days sleeping after a weekend festival, or an entire day decompressing after a workshop with 30 other people, or yearn for a day or two of total isolation after being “out in the world” and interacting with a lot of people for a day or two.
I know my limitations, yet still, I try to overcome them, plough through them and be a part of life s we know it. It’s presently feeling like a hard place to be - as in between a rock and….

Spending time alone is comforting and fulfilling to me, and keeps me centered and calm; but I am a social creature, so miss friendships and social interaction. I would love to have a fun and fulfilling friendship or two, but know that the “getting out there” that it takes to have that is often more than I want to do. It is this place of finding balance between alone time and public time that I currently reside. It is feeling lonely and frustrating. A lot.

So I come out to nature for help. Nature is perfect. There is no resistance in nature. No struggle. No judgments or comparing. All things grow where and when it is right. Leaves fall, buds bloom, vines crawl, clouds float, trees bend, rain falls. Trees don’t wonder if they’re growing too tall; shrubs don’t wish they were fish; clouds don’t try to move against the wind currents. Everything in Nature is in right and perfect order. And so are we. We really are exactly where we need to be, doing and feeling what is right and perfect for us in the moment. I am reminded of this when I am out in nature. Do I actually surrender to it, and trust it is true of my own life? Well, not right away, for sure. Usually, I am so worked up over something, that by the time I actually get outside, breathe, and observe, I am so overcome with the beauty, majesty, and perfection of where I am, and what I see and feel, that, ironically, I go into overwhelm!!!!

This is what has happened this morning. Crazy, I know. But I have stayed with it, just let myself be here for a while longer, let my brain settle down, and my heart know that it’s okay for me to be a part of such intense beauty. Slowly, I have come around to a place of calm. Mesmerized by the millions of sun diamonds dancing on the waves, the constant up and down and back and forth frothy sway of the waves, the sounds that they create, and the smell of the surf, I am beginning to just enjoy being here. Sun above me, sand below me, gentle breeze around me. All is well. For now, I guess I have all the friends I need!