Wednesday, February 18, 2015


Acknowledge Yourself

            It’s easy to compare ourselves to someone else-someone better, smarter, more ‘together,’ more organized, better looking, etc., etc., etc.  This list is endless some days.  It seems that we are always looking at not only how we can do something better or be someone better, but at how we are not doing or being enough now.  But the truth of the matter is we are enough, and we are doing and being exactly who and what we need to be in this very moment.
           Hard to believe, I know!  On the days when I feel that all I’m doing is spinning my wheels and accomplishing nothing, or feeling like sludge and can’t get an ounce of ambition about me, I feel like I’m completely missing the boat, or worse, have missed it altogether.
“My ship finally came in…and I was at the airport!”  (Was this a bumper sticker??)
On those days, I view my accomplishments as those things I didn’t do, as in, “I didn’t have beer for breakfast.”  You get the idea.  When the positives are absent, I work with the double negatives!
            Years ago, I knew a woman who ‘had it all.’  She was cute beyond cute, drove a cool Mercedes convertible, had a successful business, gobs of money and status, a ‘major babe’ for a boyfriend, and an awesome apartment in the heart of the city.  She was gregarious and generous, comfortable in crowds, fun to be around, and she seemed to set people at ease.  I loved being with her, and periodically spent one-on-one time with her when we each had some time off from work.  On a weekend before she was heading home to visit her parents, she came down with a bad cold and sinus infection.  She was miserable!  She was dreading her trip and having to spend time with her family – especially her dad.  I was surprised!  I figured that she must have the perfect, fun, adoring and encouraging parents (that we’d all love to have!!!), since she ‘turned out so well.’  Quite the contrary, I came to find out.
            “Yeah, it’s just grueling being there-especially for five days!  My dad’s always on my case about something.  I’ll never measure up to his standards.”
            Whoa!!  I almost choked!  I thought that if someone as near perfect as she was could have (and DID have) ‘issues’ that brought her down, then I didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell for happiness!!
            Now I know that the opposite is true- that I have every chance at happiness, depending on how I view my circumstances.  I can be glad for who I am and for what I have accomplished in my life, and especially, in each and every moment of this life.  We are all so full of gifts and goodness and we all make a difference somehow, in someone’s life.
“We may only be one person in this world, but we mean the world to one person.”
  Oftentimes, we mean the world to many people. 
You are always accomplishing something, even though it may seem trivial at the time.  Even then, if it seems ‘trivial’ it’s because you are likely comparing it to something else – something more extravagant or grandiose, perhaps.
            I once read that in God’s eyes, it’s not what we do, but how we do it.  If we have a day or a month when we have done a lot and accomplished great feats, but did so with fear or resentment, those accomplishments are merely actions; we’ve only gone through the motions, rather than having expressed, through action, what is in our heart, the best way to give of ourselves and express our true passion.  
           Give yourself credit for what you do, and more importantly, for who you are.  If you have felt down or deflated, depressed or disheartened, and managed to raise your energy level by even a fraction, by saying a prayer, sending someone love, or thinking of something lovely or comforting, then acknowledge yourself!  You have raised vibration – yours, and that of the Universe!  When you acknowledge anything about yourself that is positive, then you are creating a new neural pathway, which brings about a new way of thinking and changing how you react to a situation that normally ‘pushes your buttons.’  Just like any new activity that strengthens a muscle, being aware of your efforts and acknowledging yourself for them will begin to become a habit and a powerful one with excellent benefits!!
            “I’m not enough.”  “I’m lazy.”  “Nothing I say matters.”  “I’m an idiot!”  How many times have you said or heard this last one??  Oh, my gosh!  It always hurts my heart when I hear someone say this.  It’s usually from someone who would never utter something so destructive to another person, but they don’t stop to consider that they are a person!  A person who hears that statement and feels the sting ever as strongly (perhaps more so) as if someone else has stabbed them with it.   
            Everyone surely feels like an idiot or a moron or a dufus from time to time; this is the best time to find something good to acknowledge about yourself.  So you stuck your foot in your mouth, or tripped in front of others watching, or forgot your lines, or…or…or…
         You may have made someone laugh that really needed it; you may have stumbled over your feet or your words because you were brave enough to be doing something for the first time; you may have learned a new way to remember or understand something more effectively through your mistakes.  There is always something better, more positive, and certainly beneficial from a situation that you may feel, in the moment, is horrible and unsalvageable.  Even if it seems like a stretch, find something good, something positive about you, your actions and your life.  Once you do, it’s easier each time thereafter, and what once seemed impossible becomes possible.  You have found someone to believe in you, to encourage and support you, and to love you unconditionally.  And that someone is sitting in the same chair as you. 

 

 

 

 

Monday, February 9, 2015


Friends

“Friends are Flowers In the Garden of Life.”

It’s not always enough just to say that someone is my friend – it sometimes takes a good test (god test) or two to really cement the deal, as far as my heart’s concerned.

I moved to Florida because it was a dream for many years – all my life?? – and the reason I even had the opening to have it become a reality was a visit to see my old friend, Jan.  We’d worked together for a while “back in the 80‘s” and had a fun time and a decent connection at the time.  Then jobs changed, relocations happened, and distance became a familiar face.

Time does have a way of sifting out the soft, grainy ones, and highlighting the nuggets that hold fast and shine bright.  Such was the case with Jan:  years after parting ways, and years again after being periodic pen pals, we reconnected by phone, and shortly thereafter, in person, when I came to see her in Florida.  Little had changed, though much had changed in both of our lives.  She was still Jan and I was still Mary.

Since we had such a great visit together and since I loved the area (Ocean!  Water everywhere!), and since I was way ready for a change of scenery, I decided to pack it up and move to the Sunshine State.  With next to nothing and nothing awaiting me (i.e. employment or housing), it seemed a daunting endeavor, but my heart was hollering at me to go!

Without missing a beat, “If you really want to come, you can stay with me until you find a place to live and get your feet on the ground.”

Gulp.  No turning back now.

So I moved, and as scary and chaotic as the new life seemed, all I have a sense of when I look back on that time is comfort, warmth (well, it WAS July! J), and care.  For the first time since I was about 7 years old, I felt genuinely taken care of.  I had a home, food, an instant family, computer access, and … love.  Honestly, I don’t remember a lot about all of our interactions, specifically.  What I do remember is just awe at how someone would DO that for me!!!  I felt at home and welcomed.  What could have been just really a stressful time was a stressful time with hope and caring, laughter and compassion.  It is a time that will remain in my heart forever. 

Because of Jan, I have learned what being a friend is all about.  It’s not about obligation and duty, nor of expecting and needing.  Rather, it is an opening of one’s eyes and heart to what is necessary in the moment to lift someone up.  It is to listen and hear what isn’t being said, and it is to speak truth without making a single sound. 

It is mostly, I suspect, about being available to the love within ourselves that speaks to us and through us, in courage and conviction, to strengthen our bonds of connection to something other than ourselves, and to something much larger than our selves!